Love this song. It never ceases to amaze me how many people really and truly believe that I am perfect. Just the way I am. So hard to believe when I have been made to feel 'not good enough' for so many years.
But then there's mornings like this one. Where not only do I LOVE where I wake up every day, but then it's painted white everywhere the eye can see and that just makes it all the more beautiful. I have always loved the snow. I don't know if that's residual from being born in Chicago, or just because of the LACK of it growing up in Southern California. Or maybe it's a combination of both LOL. All I know is that I love the snow. The world seems to stop, and gets quiet when it snows. It's like the earth is 'rebooting' herself. Everything just seems to stop. Including me and my mind. Noise is dissolved into the mounds of beautiful white cotten...in the distance I hear the train's horn....and occasionally the sound of the snow falling from the trees or the electrical wires. And I learned (just today as a matter of fact!) that you need to watch yourself walking under trees during the snowfall. Or you could get dumped on.....HAHAHA.
So below is what I had the PRIVILEGE of waking up to outside the kitchen window:
I wanted to desperately to go outside and just walk around and take in and FEEL the stillness....to see the beauty of everything coated in a blanket of white....to actually experience that oxymoron of snow at the BEACH! But that will have to wait till next year. Bundle up like a "snow bunny" yes, I can do that, but the SHOES leave a little to be desired. Need a new pair of those for next year. Main focus? WATERPROOF! LOL
So, I'm surrounded by all this beauty, people who stop and wave for no apparent reason (and if my friend wasn't with me for validation you would probably think I'm nuts!) a much slower pace lifestyle (still getting used to that) tap water that tastes as good if not better than bottled, and just so MUCH love. Every day is truly becoming a gift, and I am really learning that "yes I AM perfect".
I am PERFECTLY IMPERFECT. I am compassionate, loving, empathetic, happy. I tend to be too hard on myself, but I'm learning to "calm down" and treat myself like I treat everyone else. I love nature, relaxing by a warm fire, and drinking hot cocoa. I am religious about making my bed in the morning because I can't get into it and go to sleep if it's a mess. I can let the dishes go in the sink for most of the day if I want to and the Earth will NOT stop spinning. In fact one of the BIGGEST things I've learned that if I feel like it I CAN CALL OUT SICK TO WORK even if I'm NOT SICK! Just because maybe I want to take a 'mental health' day. I can DO that and it's ok!!!! You know why? because I don't have someone making ME feel like if I DON'T go to work then the bills won't get paid....god forbid anyone ELSE in the house should get up off their dead butt and try to act like a responsible adult....
But I don't have that 'babysitting' job anymore, I had to dig deep to find that place where I could let go of the "habit" of second guessing my thoughts, my emotions, my desires, and my actions. All because I was so 'conditioned' to worry about OTHER peoples reactions.
But now I get told from someone, somewhere that I am a good person. Either by commenting on my blog, or in an email, or FB or a text on my phone or something. It has really been hard to swallow sometimes. My inner voice wants to tell me it's not true, or they really don't mean it, or there's a hidden agenda (one of HIS favorites). But most of my life it's been one of those things. No longer. And this has become so utterly freeing. It might not seem like a big deal to some of you, but to someone who has been under the 'watchful' eye of others most of her life it is most liberating to not worry about it anymore.
I am LEARNING that I am Fucking Perfect just the way I am.
I am DISCOVERING just how Perfect that person is (even with my human flaws! LOL)
I am EMBRACING all that Perfection, because I never did before.
They say life is a journey...well folks, I got my "E" ticket, my front row seat, and so far.......it's becoming AWESOME ride.
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