It's my life now.

As most of you know, my life is taking an INCREDIBLE turn and it has become so exciting! In one week (approx) I get to start 'anew' with a fresh slate. A new and beautiful place I have not only wanted to visit most of my life, but so close to so many others as well. Lunch dates have been planned....outings are already in the works and I'm just so EXCITED! No more am I just 'getting by day by day' struggling to get out of the mess he left me in. Everyone I have spoken to about it are just raving at how wonderful it is and how jealous they are. What's funny (sort of) is that I NEED that validation from others. Even tho in my heart and soul I know this is something that's good, I still need to know from people outside that it's 'ok' to do something nice for myself.

This is the crucifix I carry. And the one I'm learning to drop. The need of outside validation. Why? Why do I need that really? If I'm not murdering anyone, if my actions don't inflict intentional harm on another human, (or animal for that matter), and if it's in my heart to do it, then I should do it! Take up painting, music, learn a new language, go back to school, learn a new trade.....or in my case right now, Travel. What wondrous sites I am about to see. I have no worries there is even a chance of this last part of my life getting boring.

I'm taking an utterly disgusting situation and turning it into something good. Making Lemonade out of Lemons you might say. I actually hate that saying, but for this situation it rings true. This path of self-discovery is scary but yet so exhilarating. I'm not just sitting around "thinking" about stuff and trying to psychoanalyze every little thing. Well, I am thinking and processing, but I'm also DOING something as well. I'm moving forward in my mind, body, and soul.

I've taken up meditation. It's a wonderful experience. I have to be honest, I don't do it as often as I should, but I'm working on that. Your supposed to meditate once a day for at least 5 mins. I can see why. It's so relaxing and it really does help keep your head clear and your stress level under control.

I make a conscience effort to eat 'live' food. Fast food, fried food, frozen food, even canned food has become almost a thing of the past. It's made a world of difference in how I feel physically. I'm still having an issue putting on weight, but at least I'm healthy.

I take vitamins every day.

I only associate with people who are uplifting and happy. I'm not focusing on trying to 'fix' anyone who's having a bad day or life or whatEVER the situation is anymore. It's not my job to fix anyone. I have enough work to do just fixing myself. I am more than willing to listen to ANY of my friends or family if they have a need to talk, but I don't feel a NEED to help them. That 'need' I've had from childhood to now was one of the 'tools' he used to control me. But that's left for another post. My empathy and his poor pitiful me.....

I have learned to let go of material things. Now this was one of the hardest lessons to learn. And it's because it was not my CHOICE to do this. It was FORCED upon me against my will. I was not consulted, not asked, not even given much thought when it happened. It's as if I didn't even EXIST I was so out of the loop. I didn't listen to that inner voice (who knew him so well) to go and follow up on my belongings. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. After EVERYTHING he had done to me for 10 years, I STILL gave him the benefit of the doubt. Ok, need to take a breath here......

I've changed my attitude, my hair, my outlook, I'm even looking forward to flying! And boy 'o boy I HATE flying. LOL

I look forward to getting up in the morning again and seeing what the day will bring me.

I will keep posting for everyone on the emotional healing and the crap I went thru. But right now, for the next few weeks, my life is becoming wondrous, happy and so full of possibilities. I hope and I wish that you will all follow me on my journey of life, self-discovery, and growth from coming Out of the Fog.

Tonight's post was driven by something I read, and it was so utterly uplifting to me that I was 'inspired'. It went like this:

The only reason an N comes back around is because they think we are in the same head space in which they left us. If you are NOT in the same head space and have done your work, then you have no worries. They will not be remotely attractive to you. In fact, the thought of them will sicken you to your core.


Well, I've been doing the work. And the thought of him DOES sicken me to my core. I had hoped that someday, just maybe, he would come back to right the wrong he had done. Never would I ever want anyone in my life who could harm another human so intentionally. So maliciously.  And never did I expect him to say "I'm sorry". Now that was Magical Thinking on my part. Who would Discard and Destroy another human being after so long together and get married 4 weeks later? If that doesn't tell someone just how LITTLE they meant to you then I don't know what does! And don't even get me started on the co-dependent wife! Yet again, that will be another post.....

I want to end this post with a quote that really touched my heart and soul. It rings so true, and those of us who have come out from these HORRIBLE experiences will understand it's deepest meaning and I am doing my best to live my life this way now:

Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else's life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others opinion drown your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
~ Steve Jobs ~

So I hope you stay with me "Sans the Sociopath" while I go on my journey. My days won't always be filled with laughter and fun I'm sure. Life is life and things happen. Memories get triggered. And I will write about those too. But for now at least life is amazing just for the shear fact that I can BREATH again!