Well, it was "D" day. The day when it all finally came to fruition. I would like to think of "D" day as "Debi" day, but then that sounds a little Narcissistic doesn't it? LOL. So we'll just leave it as the original "D" day.
The ride to the airport was uneventful for the most part. The ride share turned out to be my own personal chauffeur service. I was supposed to ride with one other individual, but they wound up canceling because their flight was delayed to a later one. So it was just me and the driver.
We had nice conversation off and on all the way to the airport. He gave me pointers on flying and got me to the terminal with PLENTY of time despite the stop and go traffic we had to deal with. Be that as it may, the ride was pleasant yet almost surreal. I kept looking out the window knowing that everything I was looking at, that everywhere we passed that was familiar, that I wanted it burned into my brain. Because it was going to be a long time before I saw any of it again. Even tho I had grown up in the Valley, it was like I had this need to make sure everything was BURNED into my brain. As if (for some reason) I might forget it? I don't know what the reason was, but for some reason it was important.
I get in line with my I.D. ready and up to the counter. The lady was so kind. Big smile, warm attitude, friendly, patient...she was great. I think she saw the fear on my face. My emotions ride on my face. That is why I'm such a God awful lier. Anyone who knows me knows my face shows any and all feelings I'm having. Got my bags weighed, tagged, checked in, my tickets and off I went thru the airport. (YAY)
All the way to the Security Check everyone was just so nice! So many smiles, nodes, the "hello's" and "how are you's"......and everytime I stopped to talk to anyone, or get something to drink, they always complimented me on my hair color :) So it dawned on me, that's why everyone was being so NICE! And while I'm walking (still) to the Security Check I'm thinking what the hell took me so long to color my hair? No really, in the grand scheme of things, this is not a big deal. But then since this trip, these experiences I'm to uncover are all for the soul searching I'm doing, so I'm trying to look at the 'simple' things a little more closely. And in this case I had had a strong desire to color my hair for years. I made excuses as to why I didn't (too much upkeep, to much grey, to stubborn grey hair to color, yadda yadda yadda) But it really just boiled down to being someones "blonde bimbo". It was the color HE wanted me to be...well Thank God I get to do what I want now. And it seems so far my choices are positive.
YUCK! "shake it off, shake it off"
AHEM! ok ~ back to my travels. (I warned you this was going to have bits and pieces of past garbage, but I'll try and keep it to a minimum). But one thing I really did learn is that there is a certain amount of seriousness that revolves around being dark haired~as opposed to blonde. I think I prefer this side of the coin.
"You doubt your value ~ don't run from who you are"
Waiting at the gate for the plane to board has got to be one of the most gut wrenching hours of my life. The fear and tension has the best time to fester and grow during this time. I'm in the airport, smelling the jet fuel (yes, I have a very sensitive nose), watching the planes take off and land. The people coming off their flights. The people waiting to get on. There's business class, economy class, the occasional traveler, the constant traveler. It's easy to spot all the different types of fliers in an airport. And I sit there and envy each and every one of them. No matter how often they fly, or for what ever reason, the bottom line here is that they are OK with it.
And I'm not. It's that simple. I'm just not. I not only have such a major fear of heights, but flying? 30,000 feet in the air? Not a good thing for me. Ever. But for this, this time in my life. The 'door' I need to go thru. For this I will fly.
So we board the plane and I find my seat and before I even sit down I find a steward. "I need a glass of water" I ask him. He say's sure and kind of looks at me a bit concerned. So I explain that I hate flying and show him my anti panic pill I have cut in half. Now to understand the importance of this pill, first let me say it was the LAST pill I had left from my prescription. I had held on to this pill for over a YEAR. Yes, I checked the expatriation date and we were all good. But this pill meant more to me than I think you understand. I had been prescribed anti-anxiety meds after my last 'meltdown' at work. I found a therapist who I was only able to see for 3 sessions, and nursed these pills the best I could. Kept the last one for an emergency. There were times I SERIOUSLY looked at that puppy lemme tell ya! But I held on to it. THIS was the perfect time to use it. Well, that and the glass of wine I had.
Most of the first flight had turbulent's. The weather was pretty crappy leaving Los Angeles so from what I understand, clouds cause turbulent's. Once we got in the air and at cruising speed it wasn't so bad. Pretty smooth. The movie helped too. I got to see Narnia part 2. I hadn't seen that movie yet, so it was entertaining. Another good thing was that everyone around me were either reading something on their laptops or watching their own movies. This of course caused them to keep the window shade down for glare which in turn allowed me to NOT have to worry about looking out the window. YAY! Made for a much easier and calmer flight.
When we got to Chicago O'Hare I was so starved I thought I was going to eat my arm. Note to self, always make sure you eat a meal prior to boarding a plane! Oh they had food, but only took Credit or Debt cards. No cash. So that left me out in a lurch.
Chicago O'Hare airport is HUGE! After going thru security (which by the way is really a pain) I had to walk to the other side of the airport to find my gate. I knew I had an hour layover but wanted to make sure I knew where my gate was so I wouldn't miss my flight. On the way I spied a McDonalds which I practically dove into to get some food on the way. Arrived at the gate, sat down and ate. Let me tell you I was so hungry that food tasted as good as steak. Done eating, check the time, ok about another 20 mins or so and we should be boarding. NOT! An announcement comes over the loudspeaker that the flight has been delayed another 2 hours! Oh boy! So I text my ride at my destination to let him know, and it's all good. Thank GOD for understanding people in my life! If it had been (anybody else) I would have been made to feel guilty for the delay. Oh, not that it was my fault (per say) but that the hour was going to be late and he would be tired and crap. Well, that's not an issue I have to deal with anymore! (THANK GOD!!)
The second flight wasn't so bad even tho it was a smaller plane. This was an express plane. I was so relaxed and 'used' to flying at this point that I was able to look out the window when we almost got to the airport. Now THAT'S a huge accomplishment! I'm not looking forward to flying again anytime soon, but I think I've finally figured out how to do this without such bad panic attacks.
One of the first things I noticed after we got off the plane and I went to the baggage claim was how small the airport was. And when I looked outside there was SNOW on the ground still. Now that was a shock. I knew it was still cold here, but I didn't expect snow on the ground in March. The roads are clear, but the snow is still on the ground and pushed to the side of the roads. When I stepped outside to go to the car I was hit with a blast of cold air that took my breath away. It was shocking and wonderful at the same time! Crazy you might say? Not really. Not to a girl who's been raised in Southern California. This is all so new! I lived away from California for a few years in Seattle, Washington. But there it's grey and drizzles 10 months out of the year. I found then that I suffer from S.A.D. But here that shouldn't be a problem. The winters are long, but there really are seasons here that I can't wait to enjoy. California has 2 seasons...warm and hot. Washington has 2 seasons as well, cold and colder. This is going to remind me of what all the seasons are. And I can't wait. The next few weeks are for exploring before the tourists come to town. So I'm off to take pictures, find places to meditate, and just look around.....
So far there isn't anything or any reason I feel uncertain about what I've done.....so far this is EXACTLY where I need to be and what I need to be doing with my life. Besides, Boston is screaming my name, so is New York and Cape Cod. All three places have friends to visit.
I can't wait.......
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